Bi-curious

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(Redirected from Heteroflexible)

Someone who is bi-curious has a sexual orientation, behavior, or self-identification, which is close to but not quite entirely heterosexual or homosexual. There are several different conventional meanings of this term, some of which are mutually exclusive.

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Description

Heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality have at least three components:

  • Sexual behavior, as determined by the gender(s) of the person's sexual partner(s).
  • Sexual orientation (or preference, inclination, etc.), as determined by the gender(s) of people for whom a person has amorous or erotic desires, fantasies, and spontaneous feelings.
  • Sexual identity - the label or community (or lack thereof) with which a person affiliates oneself.

The boundaries between the three categories, heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality are also problematic. Each of the three components of sexual orientation, instead of being divided into three zones, could be described as points on a spectrum. Alfred Kinsey conceived of a seven-point spectrum, from zero for exclusively heterosexual, 1 for almost completely heterosexual, 3 for equal attraction, and all the way to 6 for exclusively homosexual. Of course, any number of segmentation schemes might be created. Some are of the opinion that most or all people actually have a "bisexual" orientation (if not actual bisexual behavior), either because they have the capacity for sexual or romantic attraction to all people (which they may have suppressed), a slight attraction to members of the "inappropriate" gender, or the ability to appreciate the beauty of all human forms (or at least beautiful forms of both genders; see affectional orientation).

Some people object to the very idea of sexual orientation, and insist that sexual attraction is fluid, or that it is only meaningful when talking about a specific person, and the labels that people use are either meaningless or only about affiliation with a group. Others simply reject labels because they interfere with accepting people for who they are and who they love.

Another complication is the definition of gender itself, which is also multi-faceted and in some respects non-binary (see the main article on gender identity). Other dimensions and aspects, such as asexuality and paraphilias, may also be important in characterizing sexuality (see sexual orientation).

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Usage

Consider the following people, any of whom might be considered "bi-curious" by one definition or another. Not everyone would agree that "bi-curious" is the best term to use in any of these situations, or even that it applies at all. Keep in mind that for simplicity, the examples given below are all at the heterosexual end of the spectrum (and given social attitudes and the demographics of sexual orientation, this is also the more common case), but they can and do apply just as well to people who are at or near the homosexual end.

  • Someone with a heterosexual self-identification who has feelings for people of the same gender which they are unsure are romantic or sexual, and who may later change their self-identification to bisexual. Some people would say they "discovered" that their true orientation was bisexual, and possibly advise them to change their self-identification; others would say their orientation had actually changed from heterosexual to bisexual (see environment, choice, and sexual orientation for a debate on whether it is possible to change one's sexual orientation). This person, while in a period of exploration and possible transition, might be described as "questioning", which is what the "Q" sometimes added to "LGBT" stands for. This process has a variety of possible manifestations, including public or private contemplation of the possibility (perhaps prompted by certain feelings, perhaps at first merely an intellectual curiosity), fantasizing about a novel type of sexual encounter, or being unsure whether one actually enjoyed previous sexual encounters or whether one wants to do it again. Some people never explore their feeling because they don't feel the need to, because they are already involved in a long-term relationship, because they are ashamed of such feelings, or because they do not want to encounter social stigma. Because it could be said that they have no curiosity about their sexual orientation, some might exclude these people from the category "bi-curious".
  • Someone with a heterosexual orientation who wants to experiment with same-gender romantic or sexual partners, but after some experience decides they do not enjoy these activities. This person might also be considered "questioning".
  • Someone who has a primarily opposite-gender orientation, but who has a long-term but slight attraction to members of the same gender, or a strong attraction to a small number of people of the same gender. "Bi-curious" here becomes an "alternative" sexual orientation somewhere between heterosexual and bisexual. Some people insist on a three-category system, where anyone with any firmly established bisexual attraction simply has a bisexual orientation (and the person who "thinks" they are bi-curious is in self-denial, is misinformed, is abusing the language, or even has "internalized homophobia"). Others prefer the term heteroflexible to describe a very slight homosexual attraction (or homoflexible at the other end of the spectrum). Some people feel the difference between "bi-curious" and "bisexual" should be made on the basis of behavior - for example, whether a heteroflexible has actually had (or perhaps is willing to actually have) same gender-sex, or whether they have had a lot of same-gender sex, or if one has had or is willing to be in an actual relationship with the same gender and not just kiss or have sex with the same gender.
  • Someone who lives with a publicly heterosexual orientation, but who advertises themselves as "bi-curious" for the purpose of finding homosexual sex partners. Various explanations might be given here. Perhaps the person is a closeted homosexual (by orientation) who is only pretending to enjoy heterosexual romance and sex. Perhaps they are a closeted bisexual (by orientation) who may or may not be uncomfortable with their homosexual attractions (or at least with revealing them publicly).
  • A heterosexual who advertises that they are a "bi-curious" homosexual because they think it will make them more attractive to potential sex partners (because they are forbidden fruit, or because they would be a better choice because they would not seek long-term commitment, be more experienced in more exotic-seeming sex acts, or have certain positive stereotypical attributes).
  • A heterosexual (by self-identification and previous behavior) woman who contemplates having sex with a person who is biologically female but who self-identifies as male and has adopted male social norms (clothing, mannerisms, etc). A sufficiently diverse group of observers would disagree over whether this is a homosexual, heterosexual, intermediate, or indeterminate kind of attraction (and whether it's appropriate to try label it), before they even began to argue about whether the label "bi-curious" should apply.
  • A homosexual who fits any of the above criteria, with reversed terminology (ie, primary homosexual identification but willingness to "try" heterosexual relationships).
  • A magazine, sex club, chat line, or video which markets itself to "bi-curious" people. This might be intended to appeal to people who are uncomfortable with their homosexual attractions, or who do not wish to be associated with the terms "homosexual", "gay", or "bisexual".
  • A heterosexual (by orientation) female who is seeking another female for a threesome, in order to fulfill a fantasy of her heterosexual (by orientation) male partner.

Reaction to the use of the term "bi-curious" is varied, above and beyond the definitional complexities described above. Some people believe it is too often or always used as a euphemism, or that it is a trite label because it implies that one's sexual orientation is. Both LGBTQ support groups and anti-LGBTQ groups use it as an inclusive term of self-identification to reach out to people who are questioning their sexuality.

For some, bi-curiosity may be an aspect of pansexuality.

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External links

tr:Hetero-esnek

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