Open marriage

From Free net encyclopedia

An open marriage is a marriage wherein both parties agree to permit sexual relationships for one or both outside the marriage, without regarding this as sexual infidelity.

Open marriage can be regarded as a broad spectrum of relationship types between strictly monogamous marriages and polyamory (involvement in loving relationships, of a sexual kind, with more than one person).

There is disagreement as to whether couples involved in swinging are in open marriages. Swinging involves sex with one or more other people within a particular situation. While swingers may "swap" partners, they typically do not have dates and sex with others entirely separate from their partner. Open marriage, in contrast, often involves activities separate from the spouse.

1 The core concept
2 Emotional issues
3 Legal issues
4 Rules
5 Notable people who had open marriages

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The core concept

While the arrangements for each open marriage are defined by the individuals involved, open marriages tend to have certain core elements:

Other relationships are supplements or enhancements to the marriage, not replacements for anything in the marriage.
There is honest and open communication between the married couple about what is allowable and what is not and trust that both will abide by those rules.
There is consent from both parties to the type of open marriage chosen.

The nature of an open marriage, along with the rules that apply to it (see below), often changes over time as each person and their relationships grow or change, or to adapt to new circumstances that arise.

The concept can be adapted to non-marriage relationships; in such circumstances it is known as an open relationship.

Often in this type of relationship only one spouse has "permission" to have sexual encounters with others, while the other partner is expected to remain monogamous. The monogamous partner derives their sexual satisfaction from watching, hearing, or simply being aware of their partner's experiences with others. While the man is most often the monogamous partner, some women also gain a similar satisfaction from letting their partner "play", as it is referred to.

In certain societies, such as Nepal, this practice is somewhat socially acceptable. In the United States, as well as Western Europe, this practice is claimed to be somewhat common by feminists, if not socially accepted.

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Emotional issues

Like other relationships, including "normal" marriages, open relationships are subject to emotional stresses and inter-personal issues. Those who have attempted open marriages often say it either brings the couple closer together on many levels and strengthens the marriage and the trust, friendship, and respect for each other, or leads to jealousy and damages the marriage. Those both successful and unsuccessful, often refer to the challenges of "New Relationship Energy" or NRE that can be confused with love for a third party and damage the marriage.

There is the potential of many emotional pitfalls for couples who experiment with open marriage, as well as many potential benefits for those who are successful. In cases where this type of experimentation is meant to "fix" a marriage, or either partner is emotionally or morally unable to, the potential for a negative outcome increases.

For those who claim success in open marriages, the reported benefits commonly include a deeper emotional connection with their partner, a more enduring trust, and a far deeper sexual satisfaction for both partners. Outsiders have difficulty understanding how a monogamous husband, for example, benefits from letting his wife date, build emotional bonds with, and have sex with other men. Husbands involved report an "near primal" urge to engage in these activities, and often the more skilled the spouses lover is, or the more intense the "New Relationship Energy" is, the more it heightens the husbands experience, even if this temporarily relegates him to a subservient or lower position than the wife's new lover.

Quote: "For some people, such ideas are the end of a marriage. For others, it's just the beginning of a whole new level of marriage." Moderator of online group for those in, or interested in, open marriages.

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Legal issues

The practice of extra-marital sex is often illegal in jurisdictions where adultery is illegal, regardless of whether the partner(s) have given their consent. Open marriage is not the same thing as polygamy, where sexual relationships are kept entirely within the parties to a formally-recognised marital arrangement.

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Rules

Some couples involved in open marriages adopt a set of "rules" to guide their activities. These rules are individualistic and often evolve over time. Rules, and more importantly the process of discussing rules, can help spouses to consider and anticipate what behavior to expect from their partners. This is intended to reduce the uncertainty that can breed jealousy, insecurity and anger. Because there will always be things that will hurt, offend, or frighten a partner that are not thought of in advance, rules allow partners to explore those limits without doing something disastrous to the primary relationship. By way of example, the following is a set of rules at the end of the spectrum that is less open to polyamorous arrangements:

Our marriage and family always comes first.
We will not cancel plans that we have together to be with someone else, or, We will not neglect our partner to be with someone else unless the spouse agrees.
All outside activity must be informed to the other partner prior to happening.
The other partner can meet all people that might be involved, should they want to.
The other partner has a right of veto over any activity
They must meet the spouse's sexual needs as well, particularly after the experience if possible
We are allowed to openly discuss the event after it has happened but only with each other.
We cannot use this against each other in any fights or arguments later down the road.
If we see that the other person is starting to get overly attached we must cut our ties with that person if one spouse asks it.
The situation always has to be safe for all involved.
We do not have to participate in this activity at the same time and together. We can play alone or together as long as the other partner is notified prior to.
If the opportunity comes up for an overnight visit with another person – it is OK as long as it is safe, planned and the other partner is informed of the details prior to and after.
We cannot compare anything that has gone on with the other person to anything that goes on between us. We can pick up pointers of new things to try with each other from the outside source but not in a harmful way.
If either of us ever start to feel concerns about the situation we should come to the other partner and openly discuss it.

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