Rumors

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For the type of information, see rumor. For the Fleetwood Mac album, see Rumours.

Rumors is a farce by Neil Simon. It premiered on stage in 1988, and was first published by Random House in 1990.


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Plot

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

On the night of his 10th anniversary, Charley Brock, the deputy mayor of New York City is having a party with his affluent friends to celebrate. As the first guests (Ken and Chris Gorman) are arriving, he tries to commit suicide. However, Charley has taken so much valium that when he tries to shoot himself, his hand droops and he shoots himself through the earlobe by mistake. Ken is Charley's lawyer, and realizes that he has to cover up the suicide attempt to preserve his friend's reputation. They also have to keep the other party guests from realizing something is wrong.

The story begins in medias res as Ken and Chris are trying to cover up the suicide. Their desperate thinking is interrupted, however, by the arrival of Charley's tax collector, Leonard Ganz, accompanied by his wife Claire. As Ken and Chris rush around the house while still attempting to not arouse suspicion, Lenny and Claire discuss rumors that have been floating around their tennis club about Charley and his wife Myra. Finally, they confront Ken and demand to know what's going on, and Ken finds he has no choice but to explain.

Things go from bad to worse when Ernie and Cookie Cusack arrive, and are even more mystified by the strange behavior of the other guests. Ernie is eventually called into the kitchen to have a meeting with his support group over the phone while Cookie, despite back problems, prepares a meal for everyone in the absence of the cook, Mai Li. In the midst of all this mayhem, another gunshot is accidentally fired, and Ken emerges from Charley's room deaf.

Next to arrive is senator- to- be Glenn Cooper with his disgruntled wife Cassie. While the others tend to their business, Glenn and Cassie have a heated feud over Glenn's loyalty to her and his alleged relationship with Carole Newman. Finally, the others enter the room and invent strange stories to explain their odd behavior. The act ends with Cookie announcing dinner, Cassie losing a precious quartz crystal of hers, and Ken being forced to listen to Cassie's cousin Joan, who's on the phone.

Act 2 opens shortly after everyone's eaten dinner, and Lenny has informed Ernie, Cookie, Glenn, and Cassie about what was really going on. As Glenn and Cassie continue to gripe at each other, the others try to work out a plan of action. Ken suddenly bursts out of his chair and reconfesses everything, unaware that Lenny has already done so. Charley then calls down and informs them that he needs some time to think, followed by Glenn and Cassie storming out of the house to continue their feud in the car. The others continue to discuss the possible explanations of what's going on.

Glenn comes back in shortly thereafter to announce that the police have arrived. After much debating, they realize that one of the men must act as Charley in the event that the police want him. Lenny is chosen, and flees upstairs. The remaining six dance around to "La Bamba" until the police officers come in and demand that their questions be answered. Hastily deciding that Ken must act as Lenny, the guests inquire the reason for the officer’s visit. The man, Officer Welch, explains that they've been sent to find out about a car accident that ruined Lenny's car and resulted in the theft of Charley's brand new Porsche. Ken (as Lenny) convinces the officers that nothing's wrong and that it can be sorted out. But then Glenn accidentally mentions the two gunshots.

The officers now inquire as to what the two gunshots were about, especially since the guests all seem to have not heard them after Glenn's slip. Welch sends his partner, Officer Pudney, to fetch Cassie from her car and bring her in for questioning. Panicking, Glenn mentions that it might be best if Charley came down and explain everything. Ernie calls up to Lenny and demands that he come down. Lenny walks downstairs as Charley and improvises an elaborate tale of how the gunshots were in self- defense against a Spanish cook that he mistook for an attacker, and how Myra fell down the basement stairs and got locked in. The officers are skeptical of the story's truth value, but are so impressed by it that they decide to leave. The other seven guests then toast to Lenny's quick thinking, and Glenn and Cassie finally make up. They then receive a call from Charley, who'd like them to come up so he can explain everything. But just as they're climbing the stairs, they hear a knock on the basement door- and Myra calls for them to let her out!

((Spoilers end here.))

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Original California/ Broadway Cast

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