Amae

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Template:Wikify-date Amae (甘え) is a Japanese word used to describe behaviour aimed at inducing another (such as a parent, spouse, teacher or boss) to take care of you. The person who is carrying out amae may beg or plead, or alternatively act selfishly while secure in the knowledge that the caregiver will forgive and indulge. The behavior of children towards their parents is perhaps the most common example of amae, but it has been suggested that childrearing practices in the West seek to cure children of this kind of dependence, while it continues into adulthood in close relationships in Japan.

Although the word originates in common parlance, it is the Japanese psychologist, Takeo Doi (<ref name="Doi 1974">(Doi 1974)Template:Citeneeded</ref>, <ref name="Doi 1981">(Doi 1981: 74)Template:Citeneeded</ref>), who has done the most to explain and describe this type of behavior. In his book the anatomy of dependence Doi states that amae is not just a japanese phenomenon, but the japanese are the only people who have an extensive vocabulary describing it. The reason for this is that amae is such a big part of japanese interaction and customs.

Doi explains that 'amae' is the noun form of 'amaeru', an intransitive verb which he defines as 'to depend and presume upon another's benevolence'. It indicates 'helplessness and the desire to be loved'. 'Amaeru' can also be defined as 'wish to be loved' and 'dependency needs'. Various bilingual dictionaries define 'amae' as 'to lean on a person's good will', 'to depend on another's affection', 'to act lovingly towards (as a much fondled child towards its parents)', 'to presume upon', 'to take advantage of'; 'to behave like a spoilt child', 'be coquettish', 'trespass on', 'take advantage of', 'behave in a caressing manner towards a man'; 'to speak in a coquettish tone', 'encroach on (one's kindness, good nature, etc.)'; 'presume on another's love', 'coax', and so on. 'Amae' is, in essence, a request for indulgence of one's perceived needs.

As Doi says, "The psychological prototype of 'amae' lies in the psychology of the infant in its relationship to its mother; not a newborn infant, but an infant who has already realised that its mother exists independently of itself ...[A]s its mind develops it gradually realises that itself and its mother are independent existences, and comes to feel the mother as something indispensable to itself, it is the craving for close contact thus developed that constitutes, one might say, amae"<ref name="Doi 1981"/>. According to Doi and others, in Japan the kind of relationship based on this prototype provides a model of human relationships in general, especially (though not exclusively) when one person is senior to another. As another writer puts it: "He may be your father or your older brother or sister ... But he may just as well be your section head at the office, the leader of your local political faction, or simply a fellow struggler down life's byways who happened to be one or two years ahead of you at school or the university. The amae syndrome is pervasive in Japanese life" <ref name="Gibney 1975">(Gibney 1975: 119)Template:Citeneeded</ref>.

'Amae' may also be used to describe the bad behavior of a husband who comes home drunk, and depends on his wife to get him ready for bed. In Japan, amae does have a connotation of immaturity, but it is also recognized as a key ingredient in loving relationships, perhaps more so than the notions of romance so common in the West.

See also

• hikikomori
• Parasite singles

References

<references/>

• {{cite journal

| journal = Electronic Journal of Sociology
| date = 2000
| url = http://www.sociology.org/content/vol005.001/smith-nomi.html
| title = Is amae the Key to Understanding Japanese Culture?
| author = Herman W Smith & Takako Nomi
}}

• {{cite book

| title = The Anatomy of Dependence
| date = 2002
| author = Takeo Doi
| id = ISBN 4770028008
}}de:Amae