Snake Jailbird

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Image:Snake The Simpsons.PNG Snake Jailbird, voiced by Hank Azaria, is a fictional character from The Simpsons.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Snake is Springfield's resident recidivist felon, always getting arrested but never appearing to stay in jail. He speaks with an accent that sounds like a cross between British and Californian and keeps a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve. He is partial to fast cars and fast women, and has a knack for reckless abandon. Snake played Lacrosse at Ball State University. He also attended Middlebury College and repaid his student loans after robbing Moe Szyslak's tavern. His car's name is "Lil' Bandit", which may be a '68 Pontiac Firebird, or a '69 Dodge Charger. He has a son who looks just like him, and a brother (or other male relative) who looks and talks very similarly, as seen in an episode where the two run a three card monte game. His ex-girlfriend Gloria briefly dated Charles Montgomery Burns, but then came back to him.

He was once held captive by Herman but was eventually rescued by Milhouse Van Houten.

He once ran a telemarketing scam, but could not stick to it because he did not like bothering people at home. He also wrote the book, The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals.

In a Treehouse of Horror episode, Snake was executed based on a "three-strikes" policy. First he burned down an orphanage, then he blew up a bus full of nuns (which Snake declared was "Totally self-defense"), and finally he smoked in the Kwik-E-Mart. His hair was then implanted into Homer's head, but it had to be removed due to issues with the hair instilling Snake-like characteristics into Homer, e.g. seeking revenge for Snakes imprisonment & execution by murdering Bart et al.

Snake's real name, according to an official trading card game, is Chester Turley. However, some of the said cards do have some silly untrue facts which means that the name could be a fake. Snake is also referred to as Jailbird by people who work on the Simpsons.

In the episode "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story," it was revealed that Snake's full name was Professor Snake Jailbird and that he was formerly an Indiana Jones-type archaeologist until Moe Szyslak stole his Mayan gold coins and he decided to take his revenge on society.

In Pygmoelian, it was also revealed that the Snake had a son. "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story" revealed that his son's name is Jeremy. The episode also reveals that Snake has custody issues with his son.

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Quotes

  • (after being robbed of his Mayan coins by Moe) "Oh no! I've been robbed! Well, I'll just take my revenge on society. And by society, I mean convenience stores."
  • (after having stolen a VCR) "Oh no! Beta!"
  • (yelling at Homer, who had just driven past the prison yard in Lil' Bandit) "That smells like regular... She needs premium dude... PREMIUM!... DUDE!"
  • (approaching the naïve Geeks immediately after their expulsion from Springfield University) "Uhhh... Wallet Inspector."
  • (on loading the Kwik-E-Mart onto the back of a flatbed truck) "Alright, I'm taking this thing to Mexico!"
  • (after stealing a cash register) "Goodbye, Student Loans Payments!"
  • (after seeing Bette Midler coming after him) "Oh No! Bette Midler!"
  • (whilst in the bowling championships with Springfield police taking steps towards the pins) "One .. Two .. Three .... Four five six seven eight nine ten. Bye!" (escapes through trapdoor)it:Serpente (I Simpson)
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