BASEketball
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BASEketball is a 1998 David Zucker comedy feature film starring Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of South Park) along with Dian Bachar. Robert Vaughn, Yasmine Bleeth, and Jenny McCarthy co-star. The movie follows the history of the sport (Created by Zucker years earlier) of the same name, from its invention by the lead characters as a game they could win against more athletic types, to its development as a nationwide league sport and a target of corporate sponsorship.
In the film, BASEketball is a mix of baseball and basketball played by two teams of three players each. Meant as a game suitable for people of all ages and abilities, it is played on a relatively small diamond-shaped court with a basketball hoop at the second base position. The ball is roughly basketball sized, smooth, and sewn like a baseball. Players wear little or no protective gear. Referees travel the court on roller blades.
The rules of the game are not made entirely clear, as it is merely a plot vehicle and not an actual game. The game itself was described by Matt Stone as "boring," hence the need for a constant stream of jokes and distractions in the screenplay. For the purposes of the movie, an "at bat" player stands at home plate holding the ball, preparing to shoot at the basket above second base. An opposing player stands at roughly the pitching mound position, where that player has one attempt to "psych-out" the shooting player. A psych-out is a verbal or visual trick meant to disturb the shooter enough to lose their concentration and miss the shot. If the shooter makes the basket, he then runs the bases, and points are scored.
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Rules of BASEketball
Layout of the field
The pitcher's mound consists of a basketball hoop. There are four bases, as there are in baseball, but the distances between them are shortened, as there is no pitcher.
There are nine squares radiating from the hoop: three single squares (small, yellow), three double squares (medium, red), and three triple squares (large, blue wedges). Instead of hitting a ball to (left/center/right) field, the player shoots from the single, double, or triple square on the (right side/middle/left side) of the infield.
There's the home run circle, with home base at its center. Instead of hitting a home run, the player shoots a home run from there.
There are two orange circular steps, one on each side of the garage door. These are used for short shots (a.k.a. bunts).
Each side has a dugout instead of a bench.
The roots of the game are remembered in the garage façade supporting the basket and in the sidewalks next to the dugouts. Other teams can substitute other buildings for the garage. The San Antonio Defenders, for example, have the Alamo as their façade.
Shooting
If the shooter scores, then he gets a hit based on the square that he shot from. For instance, a shot from one of the three double squares indicates a double. Each runner on base advances the same number of bases.
If the shooter fails to hit the basket or the backboard, he's out.
If the shooter hits the backboard or the basket, the opposing team gets to rebound and try to shoot a basket for a double play. If they succeed, the shooter is out, and so is the runner closest to home plate.
If the opposing team misses a double play, the shooter gets a second shot (a conversion). If he makes it, he gets the kind of hit he was originally going for. If he misses, he's out.
Each shooter shoots for the cycle. If he starts with a single, he can't shoot a single again until he's attempted the double, triple, and home run first, in that order.
Scoring depends on how many runs cross home plate (runs shot in), not how many shots are successfully scored (hits).
If the shooter bunts and scores, each runner on base advances one base, but the shooter is out. No psych-outs are used here.
If the bases are loaded, the first shooter (now on third base) can call on one of the other players in the dugout to take his spot on third, while he returns to home plate to shoot the fourth shot. This allows a team to have four players on offense, but only three shooting.
Defending
Defending is similar to that in basketball, but players have greater liberty in how they defend against the shooter. The three defenders are present at all times. There's no tagging out of players. There are no triple plays. Players can force a shooter out by psyching him out. This means they can do just about anything, use just about anything, to make the shooter miss: anything from a simple line to an elaborate setup involving dwarves and spinning plates to grotesque faces coupled with beastly sounds. Players can even mimic a player in a mocking way in order to get him out. Double-teams are permitted. If the umpires deem a psych-out in bad taste and the shooter misses, the shooter gets his shot (similar to a walk in baseball).
Officiating
The umpires make sure the rules are being followed. They place potholders on squares that have been used in shooting, to prevent shooting from that square again until a cycle is completed. Once the home run shot is taken, the potholders are removed from the squares the shooter used, or removed from all squares when the third out is called.
Length of play
The teams take turns like they do in baseball; visitors first, home team second. There are nine innings, like in baseball, and a seventh inning stretch. Since all the games are indoors, no games are ever called on account of rain. The seventh inning stretch also serves as halftime, which features halftime entertainment. Overtime follows if there's a tie at the end of nine.
Length of season
There is no telling how many years a BASEketball season can last. The playoffs themselves can go for nine months. By comparison, a basketball season lasts for seven months, the playoffs for two months. A baseball season lasts for six months, the playoffs for one month. The BASEketball season, if calculated from the two seasons just mentioned, can last from 32 months (over two and a half years) to 54 months (four and a half years). This means a new cup every four or five years. By comparison, soccer has a new world cup every four years. BASEketball cannot have a nine-month playoff season and still have a cup every year, barring an absurdly short regular season. The cup is always called the "Denslow Cup".
Loyalty
No players are traded, and teams can not move to new cities. Once a team is created, it remains in its host city until it decides to close. Its ownership or management can change, however.
Psych-outs
Various psych-outs are employed as part of gameplay, including the following examples:
- Coop takes a sip of beer. His opponent shoots, and in the act of shooting Coop spits out his beer at him. The man misses the shot.
- Coop yells, "Yo Pierce! I hear your mom is going out with Squeak!" Pierce is distracted and shoots the ball. It hits Squeak and bounces away.
- A Miami player walks up, and Remer says "Yo! Gomez!" Gomez sets up to shoot, and Remer continues "Got milk?" and begins to squeeze some milk out of a hidden pouch on his breast and onto Gomez's face as Gomez shoots. "Yeah, you like that, don'tcha?" The shot misses, and Coop takes the rebound.
For the full list of psych-outs used in the film, see Psyche outs from BASEketball.
Teams in BASEketball With Their Respective "Themes"
- Milwaukee Beers
- Miami Dealers (They are all stereotypical hispanic drug dealers)
- New Jersey Informants (They are all fat Italian mobsters, one of their failed psyche-outs was "You mother's a terrible cook")
- San Francisco Ferries (They are all homosexuals)
- Roswell Aliens
- L.A. Riots (They are all African-American)
- Dallas Felons (They are all large, supposedly ex-convicts)
- San Antonio Defenders (They are all "rednecks," their chant was "1,2,3 FUCK THE MEXICANS!")
- Detroit Lemons
Trivia
- David Zucker invented BASEketball years before the movie as a game that everyone could play and held games in his driveway. It became so popular a small league was created. By the fifth season championship game, the event was so big that the city shut down the street and two local Los Angeles TV stations came to report on it.
- Original Baseketball players from Zucker's league appear in the movie.
- Matt Stone and Trey Parker were given the main roles in BASEketball before South Park became a success, evidently as a result from their work in the movies Orgazmo and Cannibal the Musical (both of which also feature Dian Bachar, the actor who portrayed Kenny "Squeak" Scolari).
- Sports stars Reggie Jackson, Dale Earnhardt, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar make cameos, as does Robert Stack, parodying himself in a spoof of his program Unsolved Mysteries. Both Abdul-Jabbar and Stack previously worked with Zucker on Airplane!, while Jackson appeared in Zucker's The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
- Trey Parker shows off his South Park voice talents in the film, speaking once in the tongue of Mr. Garrison and once in the voice of Eric Cartman, the latter being the obvious of the two characterizations. Several minor South Park characters are also heard when Parker uses an Australian voice during a psyche out that sounds much like his voice used for a character based on Steve Irwin in the episode Prehistoric Ice Man and his generic Canadian accent when ever he says 'buddy'.
- The South Park episode "The Passion of the Jew" makes a reference to this movie, in which Stan Marsh, after having seen The Passion of the Christ, tells Kenny McCormick they will demand their money back "This is just like when we got our money back for BASEketball".
- The main characters play in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which is David Zucker's birth town.