Shiv'ah
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Shiv'ah (שבעה Hebrew: "seven") is the name for Judaism's week-long period of grief and mourning for the seven first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, or spouse. As most regular activity is interrupted, the process of following the shiv'ah ritual is referred to by English-speaking Jews as sitting shiva.
Immediately upon the burial of the departed, the first-degree relatives assume the status of avel (Hebrew: mourner). This state lasts for seven days, during which family members traditionally gather in one home and receive visitors.
It is considered a great mitzvah (religious act) of loving kindness and compassion to pay a home visit to the mourners. Traditionally, no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation. Often, visitors will recite the traditional words of consolation, Ha-makom yenachem et'chem b'toch she'ar avelei Tzion vi'Yerushlayim, which translates as May the omnipresent comfort you together with the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Once engaged in conversation by the mourner, it is appropriate for visitors to talk about the deceased, sharing stories of his or her life. Shiva is not meant to distract the mourner from their loss, but rather to let them experience their grief together with friends and family.
The day of the funeral, if the mourner returns before sundown, is considered the first of the seven days, and mourning generally concludes in the morning of the seventh day. No mourning may occur on Shabbat (the weekly day of rest), nor may the burial take place on Shabbat, but the day of Shabbat does count as one of the seven days. If a Jewish festival occurs after the first day, that curtails the mourning period. If the funeral occurs during a festival, the start of the mourning period awaits the end of the festival. In communities where the last day of the festival is an additional second day of "Yom Tov" this extra day is counted as the first day of shiva even though public mourning does not commence until after the holiday.
At the funeral, the mourners traditionally make a tear in an outer garment (keriah), which is not mended for the duration of the shiv'ah week. Outside of the Orthodox community, a common alternative is to pin on a small black ribbon which is then torn and worn throughout the period. The mourners keep minimum personal hygiene, do not wear leather shoes and/or jewelry, the men do not shave, and in many communities the mirrors are covered. It is customary for the mourners to sit on low stools or even the floor, symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief. Typically, mourners do not return to work until the end of the week of mourning.
Many communities have an arrangement where members of the chevra kadisha (local Jewish burial society) organise the meals for the mourners, and serve refreshments for visitors. If prayer services are organised in the house of mourning, it is customary for an adult mourner to lead the prayers when capable (in Orthodox communities, this is obligation and honor is extended only to adult men).
After the completion of the shiv'ah, activity gradually returns to normal, although the mourners continue to recite the mourner's kaddish as part of synagogue services for a month (11 months for a parent), and there are restrictions on attending festive occasions and large gatherings, especially where live music is played. In many Orthodox communities, only men are encouraged to say the mourner's kaddish; and if there are no male relatives an unrelated male will often be contracted to say the Kaddish on behalf of the women. This practice is discouraged in almost all non-Orthodox communities and a growing number of Orthodox communities as well.
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